Nothing special, just communication!IT can start like this:
"You always think you are right, don't you?"
"Why are you talking back to me? The person that you are talking to is your mother, not a nobody. You have absolutely no right to speak to me in that tone and manner! Stop talking back."
And this goes on and on leading to a cold war over a period of days.
A rather typical situation which many of my fellow teenagers probably go through feeling that our parents never quite understand how we feel, always restricting our freedom, thinking that they are always trying to pick on us, etc.
As for most parents out there, it's too familiar a scene that often leads you thinking how your little angels have become so rebellious?
While I'm not sure about the angel bit (it's so mushy!),...but rebellious? Not really!
Ego and the teenager
I don't think many of us teenagers really want to purposely upset our parents. Sometimes, we get really mad with the adults and we never ever want to show them that we are "losing", so instead of apologizing, we talk back in the most mean way ever!
And each time after a quarrel, both parties will be fuming mad and not willing to be the first to speak to the other. I often have this little voice that says, "the one who speaks first to the other party after a quarrel with him/her has effectively admitted to being wrong and sorry. And that's so not me! Why should I?"
People have their ego, irrespective of they being kids or adults. I think as we grow older, we are unwilling to burst this ego bubble; rather we prefer to inflate it overtime till it consumes the whole of us. Imagine living in a bubble so isolated and stuffed up! When that happens, eating humble pie and saying a simple "sorry" becomes an almost impossible task.
Mistaking reflection for rebellious attitude
I am guilty of this too especially when it gets really frustrating when my parents say a whole load of stuff which stresses me when all I wanted was for them to keep their mouths shut, at least for once! Whenever I get into a disagreement with my parents and feel really disgruntled, I just want to stay away for a moment. Not to fight really but to calm myself down, reflect on what I did rightly or wrongly by replaying the scene in my mind. This is probably where my parents might feel that I am ‘showing attitude' by keeping so quiet. Sigh.
Mastering the ego thingy
Anyway, it is high time I learned to deflate my ego and attempt to make the first move to speak to my parents after an argument. It is tough at first but once the first step is taken, I have won them over again. When my parents are not furious anymore and in their jolly good mood, everyone is happy. What we ask of them won't get rejected, permission to go out is also granted fairly easily, and we are able to enjoy each together better. So, I have learned not to rob myself of all these great times simply because my ego gets defensive and threatens to get in the way!
The master key
Communication is the master key, always the best way out when you want to patch up after a quarrel. I tried that method and oh boy, did it work! A good heart-to-heart talk with your parents really makes a difference than just leaving that anger hanging in the air and not bothering to do anything about it.