Fathers turn coach as tweens move into teens


MANY fathers find themselves suddenly helpless in parenting their teens. What had worked in their parenting approach to their children are no longer helpful when they become teenagers.


"Power/fear" years

When children are much younger, they welcomed and needed to be told what to do. As they grow into their teens years, they needed space and flexibility for self-discovery in order to develop an identity and form values of their own.

Any attempt to influence our teens by means of power often result in parents feeling frustrated and helpless. Power and fear games often produce the opposite outcomes in the teen years.


Enter the "coach" years

One useful paradigm for parenting the teen years is that of a “coach". Parents who are used to providing specific instructions to young children may find it more helpful to be a coach to their teenagers. As a coach, you have the insight and experience. But you do not know your teenager as well as he/she does. You can only coach them to go where your
teens are willing to.

A skilful coach works with the hormones of our teenagers and not against it.


Father as a natural coach

This is where calm fathers can play an important role in helping their teenagers develop a healthy self-identity. Fathers can be very comfortable in playing the role of a coach to their teens – especially when it’s coaching a teenager towards his/her own healthy aspirations.


Reflection pointers for fathers

  • During your teenage years, remember your CCA coach.
  • What are some of the qualities that you can learn to be a better coach to your children?
Related articles

What to expect when your child moves from primary to secondary

From seniors to juniors: Tweens into teens

What's happening at CFF
Centre for Fathering (CFF) is celebrating its 10th Anniversary this year. The CFF is grateful for your support in its movement and it is looking to expand its reach to meet more people that believe in getting fathers more involved in their children’s life. As the CFF evolved over the years, it has found the obvious truth that the majority of fathers are at their workplaces. The CFF is calling its readers to highlight its services, target its website to their contacts or forward this weblink to them. CFF staff are more than willing to make a trip to your company to present CFF services if needed.  
Father-Child Bonding Camp
Our June Camp is open for registration now. Encounter the bonding experience of a lifetime to build a strong connection and relationship with your child.    

Other articles in the "Fathering Matters" series

New Year fathering resolutions

Haiti earthquake:  Disaster, compassion and our children

Home government: What type is yours...most of the time?

A secret to better your child's educational performance

Letter from Anastasia

The Tays' "little starfishes" with "great potential"

Foster dad, Raymond Loh: 4 kids and counting...

Fathers with big hearts!

Family rules - Part I and Part II

A challenge to motivate?

"That's NOT what I meant!"

"So few marks?" or "You made some progress..."

Grow your relationship with your child by volunteering

Marathon dad

Parent-child styles for learning and connecting

Connect using positive presuppositions