Building blocks for confident and resilient tweens!


IN THIS article, I shall share some building blocks for raising confident and resilient teenagers. As coach it is not good enough to be there only when they are in trouble or discouraged. If we are ever going to raise confident and resilient tweens/teens, we need to have building blocks for that to happen.


The first building block is appreciation. Our tweens/teens need to hear us, as parents, speak appreciatively of them. Let them know what you appreciate about them and commend them for the efforts they made in their endeavours in school and at home. Speak appreciatively of them even in their absence. When tweens/teens know that their parents notice what they are doing well, they feel affirmed and will be spurred to do even more.

Having fun is key

The second building block is to have fun with your tweens/teens. Fun not only creates fond and pleasant memories for them but also evokes positive feelings towards the family. By having fun with them, you are letting them know that you enjoy being with them regardless of their abilities.

Instigate success

The third building block is to promote feelings of success. Take into account not only major successes but minor ones as well. In fact, it is the accumulative effect of many small successes that enables your tweens/teens to accomplish major ones. So when you pay attention to their minor achievements and celebrate with them, you are building their confidence for bigger challenges.

Show you care

Last but not least, express your care and concern for your tweens/teens so that they will feel loved. One of the most important tasks of a father is to raise children who feel loved. Lack of love drives people to seek it in the wrong direction. When tweens/teens feel loved, they feel secure and rooted in the family. They are assured that they will never be abandoned. They who feel loved are more likely to be able to show genuine love to others and be able to form healthier relationships in future. May you have success in putting these building blocks for raising confident and resilient tweens/teens!

Action pointers

The month long school holidays are here.

  • Do plan to do something fun with your family and also spend time with each child on a one-on-one basis.
  • Don’t forget to set aside time for your wife too.


Note: This article is part of a series first broadcast on 'Parenting Today' 93.8FM. Writer Edwin Choy is a Certified Solution Focus Therapist . He is also co-founder and director of the Centre for Fathering . He would like to hear your personal experiences in coaching your teens to help him improve his training workshop for fathers on coaching. Please email him at


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What to expect when your child moves from primary to secondary
From seniors to juniors; tweens into teens


What's happening at Centre for Fathering

  • Y Treks: Cameron Highlands - Intergeneration Bonding Series by YMCA (10 to 14 June 2010)

Conducted by the YMCA, this is a physically and mentally gruelling eight hour climb to the summit of Gunung Irau (2,110m) from Gunung Brinchang. Experience a different side of the Highlands other than strawberry farms and tea plantations. This trek is suitable for father-teen team. Support and encourage one another to persevere to reach the top. Refer to the YMCA website for more information or call 65862255.