"Daddy, what time are you coming home? You have not being eating dinner with us for the last 3 days." My no. 3, Rachel asked.

"Daddy, you have not taken me on our one-on-one this month, when are we going?" my son, Reuben complained.

"Dear, when you are taking me on our couple time? We have not done it for months." My wife, San San said with a slightly demanding tone.

These are remarks and questions that I have struggled with from time to time since the kids arrived over the last 15 years. As the family grew in numbers, work got more demanding plus the desire to serve in church ministry intensify, I found that I was being ‘stretched' in all directions.

With 2 growing teenagers at home, it is becoming a greater challenge to find time and activities to bond as a family. The 2 older ones would opt out of a family activity if it is ‘boring' for them or when they rather spend the time ‘connecting' with their friends over MSN, Friendsters, SMS or just simply ‘chill out'.

One of our family bonding time is dinner. I try to eat with the family at least 3 times a weekly. This is when the entire family eats together at the dinner table. This is different from just coming home for dinner, because I know of friends who get the kids to eat first and then the adults later. We have a strict house rule that bars anyone from eating in front of the TV and during our meal time together, the TV is switched off. We realized that we cannot compete with the TV if we want to focus on listening to one another talk.

As we eat together, we will talk about the highlights of our day or week. Sometimes, we (my wife & I) will allow the kids to lead the conversation, this will then lead into ‘things' that will never surface in other settings. The kids will share some of the challenges and struggles in school, issues with friends, even things like type of boy/girl they like! You will be amazed by the things that can surface around the table when everyone is more relax and there is no hurry to rush off somewhere.

Besides eating dinner together, we have a weekly family time. This usually takes place on Sunday night after dinner about 8.30 or 9.  We will take time to reflect about the message we heard that morning in church and share our thoughts on how it relates to us. There will also be time for us to share the goals, challenges and we are expecting to face in school, at work or at home for the coming week. We will then close our time together by praying for each other's needs and challenges.

To inject some fun and excitement, we have also done family time outside the house at Mac or a cool dessert place. This gives us the chance to try new food but also provide a less formal atmosphere to interact and talk. The topics will be less serious but may be something the kids feel is important: like why MSN is an important tool to stay connected with friends. This is when we (the parents) will get some precious insights into the high tech world of our kids. We keep a journal for our family time so that we can look back and reflect, plus action on things that need to be done.

Couple time is an important family bonding vehicle for us. We scheduled this for Sat afternoon or evening. We will take time to talk over coffee or dinner about the matters concerning the kids, each other, work or even church ministry. This helps us to set goals and objectives, identify challenges, put in action plans, pray and monitor the progress of things. It is a good time for us to communicate our feelings, frustrations, expectations and thanksgivings.

One-on-one time with each kid is just as important. It is becoming increasing difficult especially for the 2 older ones as they have their own preferences and activities. I will need to ‘excite' and interest them to do something together that is meaningful to them. Bringing them along to do community service like distributing bread to the elderly in Chinatown and follow by a treat to some yummy food there can be appealing. Going shopping to buy a new digital camera that they want to pay with their pocket money would also give opportunity to bond and talk. Playing a game of badminton or bowling also provide opportunities to build relationships.

With the 2 younger ones, it is much easier and more impromptu, like just taking a trip to NTUC and then to Mac to eat ice cream works for my no. 4, Ranice. Going for a 30 minute brisk walk to exercise will ‘excite' Rachel, my no. 3. They juz want to spend time with daddy. That is why, my ‘smart' wife always remind me that we need to seize the opportunities with our 2 younger ones, because they will become teenagers in no time.

We also look out for activities by church or other organizations for opportunity to bond as a family. I have taken my first born, Rebecca to a father-child camp when she was 11. The 2 day 1 night camp provided many activities and opportunities for the father-daughter relationship to grow. Precious lessons were learnt for both Rebecca and me. I am planning to take my son, Reuben who is 13 on a father-son ‘amazing race' around Chinatown in June organized by a VWO and perhaps an overnight camp at the end of the year.

The Singapore Book of Records together with 29 VWOs/beneficiaries will be organizing the Greatest Charity Run on Fri, 24 April 2009 at 6.30 pm, venue Temasek Polytechnic. This is a tremendous opportunity for the family to bond as they walk or run, take part in the human wheel-barrow race and to help the poor and needy through the participating charities. I will be encouraging my cell members, church friends, ex-colleagues and colleagues to take time to bond as a family the Greatest Charity Race. See you there!!