Title: Children Are People Too: A Parent's Guide To Young Children's Behaviour
Author: Louise Porter
Publisher: East Street Publications
First Published: 2006
Price: S$36
Available: Major bookstores
Reviewer: Mabel Lim

After researching behaviour management in childcare centres, Dr Porter concluded that the prevailing reward and punishment approach does not work, that it's not in children's, or parents', interests to overtly attempt to control children's behaviour.

In a radio interview some years ago, she noted that more crimes against humanity have been committed in the name of obedience than in the name of anarchy.

But she acknowledges parents are often left confused about what their rights are. In this regard, the ultimate goal of her 'guidance parenting' is for children to learn considerate behaviour.

In a radio interview a few years ago, she said, “We need to remember that these children at two and a half or even four and a half, to them actions speak louder than words. If you say it over and over and over again, it's not as meaningful than (1) if you say it once, (2) give them a reminder that ‘you will need to sit with me until you can remember what I have said’. That will actually calm them right down and they'll learn to take you seriously. I haven't known it to fail.”

Dr Porter’s approach recognises that mistakes are inevitable when learning any new skill, be it spelling or learning to act thoughtfully. To punish these sorts of mistakes would be to punish children for being children.

Her guidance approach aims to safeguard children’s self-esteem and to honour their need to be in command of themselves. A critical dividend to this approach is an enriched and enduring relationship with our children for a lifetime.

My take is that we have to peruse the book with an open mind. With the stresses of daily parenting, there’s the danger we may take it out on our children with lasting psychological damage to their self-esteem.

Dr Porter’s approach puts children as valued individuals in their own right and forces us to reflect on what we do…that it is what we would want to be done to us if the positions were reversed. 

 

Comments (2)

Tom: Children Are People Too!

This presupposes parents are fulltime. In this age when many work, this approach calls for lots of time and much patience..especially with boys. And young children tend to take more liberties at home...which in my opinion may require firmness to establish parameters. Dr Porter has by her own admission tried it with other people's kids. I wonder if she has applied it to her own at home.

1

September 04, 2008

Daisy: Action does speaks louder...

My husband often thougt it amusing when I called my kids 'Little People'. Children are just people really but without the experience and world 'wisdom' of the adults. So they are just clean sheets of paper for us to help pen. I agree that repeating to a child what needs to be done is important, it is equally if not more important to physically walk the child through the process of the specific action you desired of him. This for a young child could mean mum sitting down to pack his toys together with him and for an older kid, to show by example the setting of the table and cleaning up. From my personal experience, the actually show works better then tell.

2

September 09, 2008